It has been a while…
I have been struggling with some major issues in my life as of late. Matters involving my family and what is best for them, my job situation, and my own personal happiness are the priority. The blog just did not make the top of the priority list (or the middle for that matter) lately.
Like some of my blogging compatriots, I have been questioning whether keeping OFF MY KNEES going is really in my best interest. I have been asking myself if this is moving me forward or if this is helping me sort out the mess I have created in my life. I don’t think it is. As a result, the number of posts on this blog have slowed down considerably. I do not know if I will be pulling the plug on this, but it is a definite possibility at this point.
I have to sort out the path to normalcy and happiness for myself. No one else can do that for me. I need to chart my own future and put down what is not working for me. People close to me have been telling me to get rid of the things that are not making me happy. An article I read not long ago recommended that on your 50th birthday you should let go of the 50 things that are not working in your life. The universe is telling me to change. It is almost beating me on the head at this point. I am listening, finally!
I have pissed off a lot of people with this blog. Some of them I care about. Others (read as the apologists for the Church, the people who cannot see what is in front of their upturned noses and those that should have done something to deal with the crisis and did not) could fall off the earth tomorrow and it would not mean a thing to me.
People in the Victim community (and by victim, I mean those who will not move forward but just sit wringing their hands waiting for someone else to save them) are mad at me because I dared to question the leadership of SNAP and their methods. (OK ,Bob from SNAP MN, you can start the hate mail again, I need a good laugh, you would not believe how bad I need to laugh at one of your ridiculous epistles.). Others are focused on reforming the Catholic Church. News Flash—- THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!
I have read the hate mail, read the threats of legal action or bodily harm. I have been called delusional, deeply disturbed and crazy. Not only from those who zealously and blindly defend those in their church who have enabled pedophiles but from the lemmings in the victim community who support a national leadership that has proven to be nothing more than a self licking ice cream cone (keep those donations coming, folks). Catholics seem to be particularly adept at writing the kind of vitriol that can only serve to prove that they will punish or attack anyone who dares to questions their leadership failures.
The Catholic Church and other organizations that prey on the victim community for their livelihood are going to continue to try to maintain control and separation over survivors in order to either preserve treasure or create it. The only way forward is through the state legislatures and the courts. I would love to see the day when Federal prosecutors raid every diocese to get the files of the predators and expose the full extent of this crisis.
For years I have said that the only way to make the Catholic Church do the right thing (because as a religious entity, they are incapable of showing compassion, doing the moral thing, and following their own teachings) is to hold them to a legal standard that will punish them so severely and devastate their war chests so completely that they will have no choice than to do what is right and just.
Sad, isn’t it?
So for now, I will leave the light on here. The plug is not being pulled yet. I will check in on the blogs of my fellow survivors and I will support the effort to change the laws of this country to allow for harsh punishment for all sexual predators who prey on children and vulnerable adults. I will support and campaign for all legislation that allows for the prosecution of all those that had information on credible allegations and failed to report them (to include lots of jail time), I will support the stripping of non-profit tax benefits to any organized religion, let them pay into the communities that they are willing to destroy.
If given the opportunity, in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, or the States of New York or Florida, I will sue the Diocese of Scranton for the truth on Father Gibson and those that protected him and allowed him to prey on me and many more. (Note, I did not mention money, I want the truth)
For Gibson’s other victims, please contact me. Stay in touch. There is hope and power in numbers. Just please understand that I cannot solve all this with a blog. I am not the answer, I am just one survivor asking questions, seemingly in the dark.
None of this will ever be fixed while everyone sits on the sidelines. So what are you doing?
4 thoughts on “Silence on the net…”
You gotta do what you gotta do Sir. This blog was/is a very good one, but that doesn’t mean it has to last forever or that you’re somehow obligated to keep it going. You have to take of yourself, because as I’m sure you know, no one else will.
As to the carrying on the fight against the RCC, I hope my comments don’t offend or upset anyone I care about, as there are many folks that I care about who do a lot of work trying to keep the RCC as honest as possible.
But I had to decide that that fight wasn’t for me. In my opinion we’ve taken all of the ground we are going to get, from here on out I see the survivor community taking on emotional casualties…..and real ones…. just to keep what we have or to advance a bit, while the RCC, with it’s endless supply of $$$ cash, personnel and every other kind of resource one can imagine, they concede nothing or next to nothing. We don’t really hurt them much.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the best thing survivors can do, or at least this survivor, is to extend an ear or a hand when they can to another survivor who is hurting or needs to talk.
I realize that we are all different, and that there may well be those survivors who disagree and not only disagree but that also have the emotional and financial stability in life to fight for changes in the SOLs and to organize effective operations against the church. And for them I wish them every success….as I enjoy nothing more than seeing the church get a little justice.
But for me just plain old surviving seems to require all of my efforts. And since people are depending on me (scary thought there) I have to give it my best.
You should know though that although you touched a few nerves out there by speaking the truth, that this blog was real a gift to those of us who value the truth.
So whether you keep this blog up or take it down, thanks for doing it and best wishes.
Dearest Michael…I think you are the greatest! The empasis must be put on the “Positive” things that God tells you to say, not the negative. The one positive thing I see is ;LEAVE THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH. IT IS NOT JESUS CHRIST , NOR is it GOD, NOR THE HOLY SPIRIT. YOU HAVE IT ALL. YOU NEED NOT THE evil institution.
God did not not ever pick one church(the RCC) and call it (“the one and only)HE IS THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH, THE BE ALL AND THE END ALL.WHAT EVER HE CHOOSES, WILL BE! HE will follow you, just LOVE HIM ABOVE ALL ELSE.
We’ve been out (of the RCC) since 2001. I never know what I’m going to write about. It is God who gives me the words to say and they are usually from HIS WORD!
we spent over 60+ yrs in the RC church but never witnessed any abuse until all this came out (2001)and we knew what we’d been told by members of our family, who were in religious comunities, that the bad stuff they told us, was TRUE, but we wouldn’t listen to them.
We know NOW and could never go back! Christ said “if they won’t recieve you , shake the dust from your feet AND LEAVE. “. YOU HAVE… AND HE WILL LEAD YOU. GET DEEPLY INTO HIS HOLY WORD.IT WILL TELL YOU ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. ALSO A GOOD BIBLICAL NON DENOMINATIONAL CHURCH THAT STRESS’ THE WORD, WILL HELP. BUT IN GOD’S TIME NOT YOURS. Pray for WISDOM. I’m with you!
Michael, you are a skilled writer. Your efforts have helped many, I am sure. But you must consider what is right for you and your loved ones. Moving forward is a good thing. Staying on top of the church who failed you is a good thing. Coninuing to effect change is a good thing. And yet……Should you ever consider forgiveness? To what end? Is forgiveness even possible under your circumstances, ever? Would you be free from the turmoil?
I told you I am also a survivor of priestly abuse; although not from Father Gibson. These men had to know that what they were doing was wrong and would be life altering to the children they abused. They were monsters. Or were they somehow able to delude themselves? To twist what they did into something that was acceptable? So then they were truly evil monsters. Emphasis on the word evil. Who is responsible then? Do we continue in the poisonous vapor of that evil by not moving forward? By not forgiving? Is it possible to say, “Something so horrible happened to me. It is so big and so dirty and filled with so much betrayal that I can never grasp it. I want to embrace a new light and move forward into it. That horrible thing is a huge part of who I am, but I won’t let it dictate my future.”
I want those who harmed children to suffer. I want them to be punished. I want the truth to come out. But I want to have joy available to me and I wish the same for you.
I don’t think and known that PTSD cause by child abuse is elevated by forgiveness